note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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