Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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