I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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