you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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