Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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