Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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