i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
