mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
