She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
