After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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