Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
