Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
