I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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