SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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