Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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