No, drunk sperm still make babies.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
