Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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