How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
