So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need to sanitize my soul.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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