I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
