There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
