You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
