is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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