It's like God shit irony all over that family
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
