DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
