I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
