Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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