Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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