We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
