watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
