Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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