If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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