there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize