Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
