She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
