You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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