Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
