we're chasing vodka with high fives
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
