nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
