I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
