How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
