Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
