Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
