I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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