I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
