Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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