i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
