he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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