Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How's work?
Spinning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
