Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
