I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
