I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
