I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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