His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize