Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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