I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
