Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
