she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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