it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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