Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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