is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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