I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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