those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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