Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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