A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
