she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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