When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize