seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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