The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
